The Proust Questionnaire

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Achievement.  Eventually reaching a state in my life when I can look back & go, "I did it."  On an instant-gratification basis, however, nothing beats a glass (read: bottle) of wine on a patio.  Nothing.
 

What is your greatest fear?

Torture.  I can't stand the idea of it, I can't stand movies about it.  The whole concept smells of an evil it's hard for me to contemplate possible in a fellow human being.


Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Catherine the Great.  I'm not sure if I identify with her so much as I would like to think of myself as identifying with her.  She was a driven, powerful woman who fought the odds, worked hard & rocked at her job.  All the while gettin' way more action than any other empress.


Which living person do you most admire?

There is no perfectly satisfactory way to answer this, there are so many different facets of people to admire you can admire someone’s bravery or someone else’s creativity or someone else’s genius – I mean, give me a genre & there’s someone I admire in it.  Right now I’ll narrow it best I can by saying I admire people in oppressive countries who continue to make their art despite threats (& arrests) from the regime, like Iranian filmmaker Jafar Panahi.


What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Well, to be perfectly honest...  wait, why be perfectly honest?  My grandmother said you make your own press & are what you say you are.  Therefore my most deplorable trait I'll share with you is my constant, dogged trustfulness despite rampant blows & proofs this is damn dumb.  Lucy with the football every time.
 

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Weakness.  Weakness of character, weakness of will, weakness of desire.  Vague people.  I admire people with purpose, & therefore appositionally abhor yes-men or anyone whose values and sense of self are so watered down as to blend in & absorb whatever are the whims of the surrounding people.  These people make me want to step on them.
 

What is your greatest extravagance?

Sleep.  I am a glutton for it.  I like a good solid 9-10hrs a night.  If you let me, I might even rock 11hrs.  12hrs has been known.  I do all this guilt-free with full consciousness (haha, get it) of what I’m doing.  I like my sleep.  Judge not.
 

What is your favourite journey?

I guess the one I’m on now.  I have no idea where I’ll be a year from now.  Most likely still in London, but doing what?  Going where?  Exactly.  Bring it.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Modesty -- sing it loud sister!
 

On what occasion do you lie?

When the information would hurt the person & knowledge of it would not bring benefit or the ability for it to change.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?

I'll be predictable here & say my weight.  Hey, I'm a girl, what do you expect?

Which living person do you most despise?

George W. Bush, on a predictability roll I see.


Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

I go through periods of overusing phrases.  I'll hear something I like, use it to cap every sentence for weeks, then I move on and abuse some poor other combination of words. I am currently overusing "fierce," "solid," & "mad" -- as in "He did me a solid, & it was mad fierce."
 

What is your greatest regret?

Hmmm... I don't really have one.  Isn't that odd?  Well, I'll say something slightly more interesting, something my friend in high school heard from her therapist: "You can never regret anything you've done, because all the things you've been through have made you who you are, and if you are to love yourself, you have to love all the things that have happened to make you who you are."  Or in the more concise words of Vera Pavlova,


"If there is something to desire,
there will be something to regret.
If there is something to regret,
there will be something to recall.
If there is something to recall,
there was nothing to regret.
If there was nothing to regret,
there was nothing to desire."
 

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

New York City  (miss you………..)
 

Which talent would you most like to have?

I wish I were a gymnast or an amazing dancer.  I love watching people with that much control over their body -- I can imagine how unlimited they must feel to flip, climb, balance & manipulate their surroundings.  Like a cat -- seemingly nothing is physically impossible.  What I wouldn't give for that freedom.
 

What is your current state of mind?

Anxious & hopeful.  A Molotov cocktail of ambition, hedonism, optimism & dread.  Wouldn't have it any other way.
 

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

That my mom & I live on different continents, it’s sad & stressful.  One day it will have to change, but building my career means I have to be mobile for now.
 

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

So far, getting my MA -- but that will promptly change the second I open a glossy mag & see my byline gazing back at me.
 

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

An owl.  They are awesome.  They are night creatures, they fly and they are just somehow incredibly fascinating.  Really, kinda like me, except the flying part.
 

What is your most treasured possession?

My virginity.  No, but really, I don't particularly have anything very special I adore above all other things.  I used to love my journals & book of poems, but they were stolen with my moving van years ago.  I have a steal-my-stuff stamp on my skull.  Ok, gun to my head?  My computer.  It's a beautiful Macbook Pro.  Great.  Now everyone knows, and they're all going to come to my house & steal it.
 

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Temping, and by temping I mean what it shows you -- riding the train in the morning or at the office seeing the poor saps who actually do this job for real, not just as a fill-in/side-line, I mean GOD.  The lowest depth of misery is a lack of hope, or the complete cessation of the desire for anything more out of life.  I don't know which is worse.  Wanting it & not having it, or losing the ability to want anything at all.  I'm happiest when I have all my options open, and all paths clear for an uncertain, but exciting future.  To be able to reliably and morbidly predict my Tuesday a year from now is walking death.  Freedom is my profession.
 

Where would you like to live?

Eventually I have every intention of moving back to NYC.  Manhattan.  Hopefully the East Village.  Around Tompkins Square.  However, right now I'm so relieved to have moved to Bethnal Green & so in love w/ my room & my flat.  My first real home in London & this is all the home I want for now.
 

What is your favourite occupation?

It used to be acting, but it’s been so long I've almost forgotten what that feels like… sad.  I love reading.  That’s obviously an extremely passive jump from acting to reading.  I do love reading, but I can do better than that… ok, I love organizing get-togethers.  Gathering a bunch of people for boozy fun in a park is really the tops.
 

What is your most marked characteristic?

An extremely outgoing personality, which manifests itself in rapid, almost manic speech and a penchant for flirting with strangers.
 

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Height.  Oh, yeah, and reliability.  I appreciate & am attracted to people with character and a can-do nature who follow through on their plans or promises.
 

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

The ability to laugh at herself, because then I'll laugh at myself.  We can share our vulnerabilities without competition or judgement.
 

What do you most value in your friends?

All of my friends have a great creativity & sense of fun.  A very present, intelligent uniqueness is in every one.  They are artists, and as such the world is a little more vivid in their presence.
 

Who are your favourite writers?

Ayn Rand, Hunter S. Thompson, Jane Austen, Chuck Klosterman, J.K. Rowling, Anne Rice, any Russian translation by Richard Pevear & Larissa Volokhonsky (however my favourite so far would probably be Anna Karenina)
 

Who is your favourite hero of fiction?

John Galt.  Interestingly, according to polls conducted by the Library of Congress, Atlas Shrugged was voted the most influential book in readers' lives after the Bible.  And here I thought I was original.  *sigh*  I guess if I can't have religion, at least I too can now have a mutually agreed upon mad long tome to tote.

 

Who are your heroes in real life?

Well, obviously my mother.  It may sound cliché, but she was a wizard of a single mom & continues to be my pillar & pillow as an adult.  Much love.  And Al Gore, for being the first public figure to bring environmental issues to the forefront & finally make it hip to not be a jackass.
 

What are your favourite names?

Dresden, though no one agrees with me.  I guess it is rather funny because I've never been there.  It's like in that Modest Mouse song Black Cadillacs, "And it's true we named our children after towns that we've never been to."  Huh.  I guess it's an epidemic.  I also love the name Jack.  Just reminds me of a badass.  And Veronica, the dark-haired vixen from the Archie comics.  Granted, I've never read an Archie comic, but on the cover, she always seemed the more interesting of the two girls.  So now the name Veronica makes me think of, well, a badass.  Plus, Veronica means "true icon."  Can't think of a better etymology for some fierce subconscious influence on someone's life.
 

What is it that you most dislike?

Well I guess things I've already mentioned: torture & weakness.  Perhaps the monster baddie would be a weak man torturing a strong man.  Like the scene from Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand when John Galt is tortured by Dr. Floyd Ferris.  I have frustration & rage at the chance & fleeting power of the pathetic.
 

How would you like to die?

See, I would love to say in a blaze of glory, but that just sounds rather miserable.  I want to drift off quietly on a huge, fluffy ball after finding God.
 

What is your motto?

I think I'll have to quote the maestro 50 Cent, "If I can't do well, homey, it can't be done.  Now I'ma let the champagne bottle pop, I'ma take it to the top, Fo sho I'ma make it hot, baby (baby)"